Is Archie Bunker running the Browns?

Most Browns fans grew up in northern Ohio working class towns. Values like hard work, common sense, sacrifice and honesty form the core of an Ohioan, and football is one of the favorite ways by which we express those beliefs.

Years ago, I was in a bar in New York City and had a sport conversation with a gent who believed that the only reason Joe Namath was successful in the NFL was that he often took a 7 or more step drop when going back to pass. It was with complete certitude that this old man explained how Namath's success in the NFL was soley due to the fact that the dumbass defensive linemen of that era, when pass rushing, would count to 5 steps and stop. This rather intoxicated New York bore strongly resembled the 70's sitcom character Archie Bunker and I still laugh as I recall that conversation.

In the NFL you score points with playmakers. With the exception of Josh Cribbs, today's Browns are completely lacking in playmakers and one has to wonder if players like Kellen Winslow that have been traded away, were dismissed with the same twisted logic that the great Archie Bunker might have come up with, over a beer or two.

I would like to give the benefit of the doubt to the right kind gentleman from Brooklyn who owns our Cleveland Browns though it is unthinkable to forgive his boss, the "Coach" from Connecticut who in fact runs our team. We are still with you Mr. Lerner but this January when you start the searching for the next coach and general manager of the Browns, please search for a person who brings a little bit of Ohio common sense to the table. Study the thought process of our next leader and avoid going for the all show no substance types that so commonly litter the East Coast of our great nation. It might make sense to go have a beer with each candidate because it's amazing what we reveal about ourselves once we've pounded a brew or two.

The Miracle of Cleveland

Our 2009 Browns finally gave us a performance to be proud of with a sterling defensive effort on Thursday night, all the better that it came against a hated rival, the Pittsburgh Steelers. Best of all, the Steelers found themselves on the ropes and were desperate for a victory. The beating at the hands of the Browns effectively pushes the Steelers completely out of post-season contention.

And finally, the Browns now have a chance to avoid being the worst team in the NFL during the 2009 season. While this is hardly something to be proud of, it seems a miracle compared to the team's pathetic state of only a few weeks ago. So let us all extend our heartfelt gratitude to "coach" and his right hand man, Brown's owner Randy Lerner for providing us one of the most unforgettable miracles in Cleveland sports history, "The Miracle at Cleveland"!

Cleveland Browns "football" and the national media

It is just a few hours before kickoff. The staggered Steelers come to town to battle the beleaguered Browns. The weather is going to an added opponent for both teams. I viewed the following video to get a feel for what the national media thinks of our Browns. If you bristle at statements like “The Browns have no talent” and “There is no chance the Steelers can lose to the Browns” then DO NOT watch this video. Rarely do you hear such definitive statements from prognosticators. They usually hedge their bets to some extent. But the Browns SUCK and everybody knows it so no hedging necessary. Way to go Randy and Eric. You make us so proud!

Brown's history: Jerry Sherk

I didn't have the honor of following the Browns during the dynasty years of Paul Brown so I have to exclude many incredible players when asked my opinion on who was the greatest Brown's player I have ever seen. From the highlight films, it's clear that Jim Brown was probably the greatest player in NFL history, not just Cleveland Browns history, but I only witnessed Mr. Brown winning the war in Europe together with Trini Lopez and Charles Bronson.

For me, amongst those I have seen nobody topped Jerry Sherk. Even if I was a teenage kid, who knew little about football, Sherk was simply so good that it was impossible not to watch him. Cat like quickness and instincts, and a natural nose for the ball, he was always in the middle of the action in spite of constant double and triple teaming by opponents.

Big Ten rejects Browns entrance

Sources close to The Brown Log reported that Randy Lerner met with Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney in Chicago last week. They discussed the possibility of the Browns joining the Big Ten. The conference has been looking for an additional team for several years now. A twelfth team would permit the Big Ten to hold a conference title game which translates into big bucks for the entire conference. Lerner has been shopping around for a league the Browns could actually compete in and bring the Cleveland fans that well deserved championship.

The Big Ten athletic directors and coaches were asked about the possible Browns admission into the league. Penn State coach Joe Paterno was quoted as saying “Ah jeez, not those clowns!” He also expressed concerns that the locker rooms (and toilets) at Cleveland Stadium were extremely far from the sidelines. Coach Paterno does not want to repeat his “poopy pants” incident he had at Ohio Stadium. Ohio State coach Jim Tressel expressed concern that the Buckeyes strength of schedule would take a considerable hit by playing the Browns every year. Ohio State’s perennial BCS bowl appearance could be jeopardized.

In the end, The Big Ten realized that admitting the Browns into the Big Ten would be a downgrade not an upgrade. Browns coach Eric Mangini was not too disappointed by the snub when he learned that players could not be fined in the Big Ten. Teams still being considered for Big Ten admission are the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers, The Grand Valley State Lakers, and the Mount Union Purple Raiders. An anonymous source reports that Randy Lerner admitted “Those three teams would wipe up the field with the Browns and would be much more competitive in the Big Ten then the Browns could ever hope to be”. The search goes on.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

The holiday season is truly the most wonderful time of the year. Friends and family come from all parts to share in the warmth and fellowship of the yuletide lore. What better time to recall one of the most beloved players in Brown's history, future member of the Professional Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio: Turkey Joe Jones.

Back in the 1970's more often than not, the Cleveland Browns sucked, but unlike today's Browns, they were never the worst team in the NFL.

In stark contrast to 2009, way back then, occasionally the Brownies gave us something to be profoundly proud of, like this classic play from days gone by. Ti saluto, Don Turkey Jones......

CFL rejects Browns entrance

CFL officials have closed the door to any potential entry of the Cleveland Browns into the Canadian Football League.

CFL sources, citing the import of the passing game in Canadian football, said the Browns don't have the talent to win games on a regular basis in the Canadian game. CFL rules incentivize passing and teams only have 2 downs to get 10 yards and first down.

"Coach" and his right hand man, Browns owner Randy Lerner, had made an exploratory visit to Canada (see photo) and were said to be terribily disappointed at this rejection because, quote "We wuz lookin forward to some good fishin' and shit" unquote.

Lerner stated however that the CFL rejection will not stop his 5 year plan to bring Cleveland Browns fans a championship. Rumor is that a meeting is now planned with the Big Ten conference.

BREAKING NEWS: Coach Mangini Resigns

It was reported on ESPN tonight that Coach Mangini has resigned. Note the screen grab for confirmation of the report. Thank you Sweet Jesus! Thank you! What a happy day. Finally, that no-talent megalomaniac will no longer drag our beloved Browns down and further embarrass the franchise. It will be a long road to travel but the Browns organization can finally start on a path back to respectability. There has been no word on an interim head coach for the remainder of the season or a replacement for next year. Please check back with the Brown Log for further reports.
UPDATE: Correction. Head coach Mark Mangino (that's with an "o") resigned as head coach of the Kansas Jayhawks earlier this evening. Head coach Eric Mangini (that's with an "i") is still the head coach of the Cleveland Browns. Crap.
You say Mangino, I say Mangini. Well, we can dream can't we!

HE WILL-GO-ALL-THE-WAY!

Eric Mangini’s football acumen never ceases to astound. Besides the 13 man field goal block, Mangini has come up with many other great schemes to get results on the gridiron. The Brown Log has acquired a Cleveland playbook for the upcoming game against the San Diego Chargers. Mangini has used his super-genius secret statistical formula to determine the Browns will be down by a score of 37-3 at the two-minute warning of the second half. At this point Mangini plans to pull Norv Turner aside and tell him that the Browns have (how shall I put this) a special needs player. If this player could score a touchdown on the last play of the game it would mean the world to him. Norv being the good guy that he is will certainly oblige. Boom! Touchdown! Man-genius does it again! The trick will be finding the right player to pull of the “special needs” player role. Dwayne Rudd was contacted and is practicing with the team this week. You can see the play being executed in this unauthorized Browns practice video. This play is called Rudd-Right-88 and is code-named "Matt Ziesel's Touchdown Run"

BREAKING NEWS: Browns are looking to change leagues

A stunning development has been leaked today to The Brown Log. The top management of the Cleveland Browns, have launched a project to change leagues, leaving the NFL for greener pastures. An insider confided to The Brown Log that the target of this project is "to deliver a long overdue and well deserved championship to Cleveland fans". Rumor is that the primary objective would be to join the Canadian Football League.

Browns representatives watched yesterday's Grey Cup to build insight into this new potential partner. In fact rumor has it that on the next to last play of the Grey Cup, the Saskatchewan Roughriders used a scheme designed by Eric Mangini, the 13 man field goal block.

We'll have more on this development in the coming days, stay tuned.

Browns are Super Bowel Champions!

The Browns have done it! They are Super Bowel champions of the football world! In one of the greatest games in Super Bowel history, the Browns dug deep and showed the kind of character and fortitude we all know they possess. It did not look good at first. The offense, which has been the strong suit for this team in its quest to be the worst, scored three touchdowns in the first quarter. But the defense picked up the slack and quickly got the Browns back into contention by giving up three quick touchdowns themselves. With the Browns on top 27-24 at halftime, the outcome was in question. But the defense came through. On a Hail Mary pass at the end of the game Hank Poteat was called for pass interference. On an un-timed down Matt Stafford threw his 5th touchdown pass of the game to tie it up at 37. The last rookie to throw five TDs in a game was Ray Buivid of the 1937 Bears. What an added honor for the valiant D! The Lions kicked the extra point to win the game 38-37. Everyone from the ball boy to the head coach can share in the title. They have all contributed and should all be very proud. Now the Browns can say without dispute that they are one of the worst teams of all time! Way to go Brownies! We love you!

Dog fights on the gridiron: Penguin's inferiority complex

Are Cleveland Browns players suffering serious injuries in after practice "opportunity periods" because former ballboy Eric Mangini hopes that ridiculously tough drills will convince players that he is a tough guy like John Wayne, Clint Eastwood or Woody Hayes instead of Burgess Meredith's version of The Penguin? I'm very concerned that the answer to that question is a resounding "YES!"

This week the Cleveland Browns were required to meet with NFL Players Union officials over concerns about player safety related to Eric Mangini's now infamous "opportunity periods". This season alone, at least two players have been maimed with serious injuries in these drills.

The Browns have been hush hush about providing details into the after practice drills but from the sounds of it, the opportunity periods are an excessively violent drill that young players must "volunteer" for to show their bloodlust and to impress their "leader", who dangles the incentive of increased playing time in front of those who complete the drill most successfully.

People from Ohio love football and we love tough coaches. I personally own nearly every film, book, article and piece of memorabilia about one of football histories toughest coaches, Woody Hayes. Hayes was known to have brutally tough practices, but if you dig deep into his preparation and read the many books Hayes wrote, you'll find Hayes was thoughtful in planning practices that did not unnecessarily risk the safety of his players. So yes, Hayes was tough, but he was also wise. What about Mangini? Well, Eric Mangini is clearly no Woody Hayes. Hayes' toughness seemed natural, it came from a place deep inside him. People call this character. Mangini's toughness appears to be more the play-acting of a person who is just not up to a challenge, and has to demonstrate false bravado for fear that everyone will realize he is without substance.

The opportunity periods must be completely devoid of the kind of careful planning that Hayes was known for. Frankly the drills sound depressingly similar to Michael Vick and dog fighting. Vick went to prison for organizing dog fights that maimed and sometimes killed animals. As a dog lover, I felt compassion and anger when I read what those poor animals endured. Reading Jamal Lewis' complaints about Mangini, it occured to me that perhaps if we knew every detail about the Brown's opportunity sessions, we might all feel the same shame and pain for the human beings that Mangini might be abusing.

When all the details finally come out, we may be faced with a Mangini scandal. From what we already know about the two serious injuries that occured during the opportunity periods, it's apparent that at a minimum this represents irresponible behavior by Mangini, who is entrusted with the duty to safeguard his players health, not to brazenly abuse them. Yet another sign that the Cleveland Browns are on the wrong path!

Ray of Light

Well, we were all cringing, waiting for that defining shameful moment during the Monday night game against the Ravens. It came late in the game after a Browns interception. A frustrated Brady Quinn chopped blocked Terrell Suggs after he threw the pick. That’s right, the golden boy, golden-domer was flagged for a cheap shot. I can understand why he was frustrated. He sucks and everybody around him sucks. That had to be embarrassing in front of a national audience. There is a debate as to whether it was a dirty play. Ray Lewis thinks so. Lewis is screaming for Quinn to be fined. That is rich Ray. Why don’t you have your posse stab him in the chest? That would be proper retribution right? Ray Lewis was convicted of obstructing justice in a case where members of his posse allegedly stabbed to death two men from Akron, Ohio. This tragic event occurred in Atlanta during Super Bowl weekend about 11 years ago. No one was ever convicted of the murders. So the convicted felon who covered up two murders in order to protect his buddies demands justice concerning a cheap play on the football field. Why don’t you drive 30 miles south of Cleveland Stadium and complain to the families of the two murdered men. The following SNL clip says it all.