I WANT THAT!

The Saints did it. I am happy for them. Euphoric New Orleans fans will cheer and thank their hometown team at their championship parade in the very streets that were flooded less than five years ago. What could be more heartwarming? But my pangs of envy cannot be denied. While watching Who Dat Nation celebrate, I could not help but feel that the Browns are farther away from winning a Super Bowl than ever. It was difficult to watch the elation. I want that! So while I am dreaming, I decided to make a list of other things I want but probably will not happen. Here they are in no particular order.

I want to buy the Baltimore Ravens and move them to Ft. Wayne.

I want Slayer to perform at halftime of Super Bowl XLV.

I want Rex Ryan’s stomach to be penalized 15 yards for being too far out on the field.

I want Shannon Sharpe to use his inside voice even when he is outside.

I want Ed Hochuli tested for human growth hormones.

I want a hamburger…no a cheeseburger…

I want to see irrefutable video evidence of Ben Roethlisberger sexually assaulting a goat.

I want LeBron James to stay in Cleveland and QB the Browns.

I want to lock Chad Ochocinco and Kanye West in the same room and see who drops dead first from lack of attention.

I want former Florida State WR DeCody Fagg to make an NFL team and line up against CB Randall Gay. And I want to hear the announcer call that matchup without snickering.

That’s ten. What do you want?