Dear Deshaun,
I hope this letter finds you well—or at least as well as someone can be under the immense pressure of nationwide scrutiny and public outrage. But fear not! I’ve cracked the code for you, and it’s not only simple, it’s tremendously successful. The answer, my friend, is right in front of you: Donald Trump.
Yes, Donald J. Trump—the man who rose from the ashes of controversy to lead a nation—has created the blueprint for turning scandal into success, and I believe you, Deshaun, can do the same. Let me walk you through how to “Make Deshaun Great Again.”
Just like Trump handled his minor problems with accusations of misconduct, never admit to anything—ever. You are doing well here, keep it up! Even if there are 26 allegations against you, or 26,000, it’s all part of a politically motivated hoax. Say it loud, say it proud: "Fake news!"
Trump didn’t back down when tapes surfaced of him saying incriminating things. He called it “locker room talk.” You, too, can use this powerful tool. Next time someone brings up the allegations, brush it off: "It’s just post-massage banter." Easy. The key is to never apologize. Apologies are for losers.
The more you attack, the more your fans will rally around you. Remember, when Trump was faced with accusations, did he apologize? No! He went after the women, calling them liars, saying they were out to get money or fame. You should do the same. Paint your accusers as opportunists, part of some grand conspiracy to take down an NFL superstar. Say they're just jealous of your success.
Bonus points: SUE THEM. Trump is the king of lawsuits. Every accusation? Counter it with a lawsuit for defamation. Flood the courts with legal action. It’ll tie everything up in knots and make it seem like you’re the real victim here.
Here’s where you can truly shine. Twitter, Instagram, Threads—it’s all your playground. Trump mastered social media by going on the offensive, controlling the narrative, and never letting anyone else speak louder than him.
You need to be active—tweet constantly. Every day, remind your followers that you are a fighter. Post workout videos. Show how dedicated you are to football and how you’ve “overcome adversity.” Sprinkle in posts about charity work, thanking God, and, of course, retweeting anyone who supports you, no matter how fringe. The goal is to flood the space with your voice so that your version of events is the only one people hear.
When things get too hot, Trump goes on TV. You should too. Sit down with the friendliest possible media outlet (think Fox Sports or someone who will ask questions about your “grit” and how you’re “dealing with adversity”).
Look for an opportunity to use TV appearances to pivot the narrative. If asked about the allegations, use the classic Trump line: "These are just distractions from the important work I’m doing." Bring it back to football, bring it back to your dedication. Remind people that you’re just here to win games.
But, when the media attacks you, attack back! Claim bias. Trump has his "fake news" war. You can have your "NFL media vendetta" campaign. Say they’re trying to tear down successful Black men or spin it as part of the larger war against athletes. This will not only flip the blame but also galvanize your base of supporters.
Trump’s key to maintaining dominance over a scandal is making even bigger, bolder statements that grab headlines. You need to take this same approach. For instance, when people bring up the allegations, respond with a wild, unrelated claim. Announce that you’re planning to start a massage therapy charity to help “fix the broken system.” It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to divert attention.
Another winning suggestion, endorse Donald Trump for President and say you're considering running for political office after football. A bold move like that ensures that your NFL career becomes secondary to the massive "national conversation" about Deshaun Watson, the leader and it will motivate Trump's base to support you. You’re no longer just an athlete—now, you’re a potential future governor and President. Instant rebrand!
Trump’s most brilliant strategy? Cultivate an unshakable base. He keeps his core supporters happy with constant praise and by telling them they’re smarter than everyone else. Do the same with your fans. Host exclusive events, give them special shout-outs, call them "the real MVPs." These fans will defend you at all costs, especially if they feel personally connected to you.
Finally, remember: It’s not about what happened, it’s about what you SAY happened. Trump didn’t let reality get in the way of his rise to power, and you shouldn’t either. With the right approach, Deshaun, you won’t just recover—you’ll thrive. Not only that but after your NFL days are over, you will have opened the door to a very promising career in American Politics!
Yours respectfully,
A fan
